Waiting to Inhale

3 01 2011

I remember learning in biology class that your heart is in the middle of your chest between your lungs and that it is “tilted” to the left. That often left me wondering then, why didn’t the pain of heartache feel more centred? The pricking of a thousand pins simultaneously jabbing, reverberating the pain behind its skeletal safety wall. No matter how much I’ve prepared for this situation (for I knew it would come) and no matter how much retribution should befall me, I have yet to adjust to the throbbing of sadness as it rhythmically pulsates…

to the left.

I suppose if the heart allowed for the pain to consume it, bearing the weight in the center of your being might be more overwhelming than one could stand. The intensity at which pain makes itself known might leave one feeling breathless; the heart swelling with emotion, expanding beyond its domain and disabling the inspiration of  new air into the lungs.

The feeling itself is constant but is quieted in the midst of better moods, good company, a good laugh, or a fleeting moment of pleasure. These are the things the heart is best equipped for and it must mean then, that continuous supply of these things will return it to proper function. So I will surround myself with things that bring me joy and not mourn for the loss of what was or what could be. Those things are gone, I am not yet dead – the pain to the left reminds me of that – so I must push back.

As I breathe in deeply the heart fights against me less, the pain lingers but does not sting today. Guess I’ll just have to keep on inhaling.