It’s been a long road to this point. Success should be in the crown of my achievement, the decade long pursuit to here. So, I earned my Masters degree this year after much duress and many exhaustive attempts at final completion. Though I do my best to pat my own back it’s sorta hard to stretch around for the desired effect. I made it through personal turmoil, external conflict and just the every day drag of regular life. Yet still, it’s been hard to enjoy the reward at the end of the day.
It’s great when there are people there to share in your success and even better when they have been the motivating factor. I treasure my friendships because they have been the rock that carry me forward but it pains me to see the distress some of them have to endure. I’m so used to being the “needy one”, it’s almost an expectation of myself. When called upon to be the support I’m less than confident that I can offer the sage advice that comes with the reciprocity amongst peers. I find it difficult because I’m now of the belief that emotional burden has been my cross to bear and that everyone else is better equipped to manage than I.
Tsk, tsk. No education in the world can provide you with the wisdom from the College of Hard Knocks. It’s taken me this long to realize. I thought that after all this time trudging along the academic way would get me to a point of intellectual accomplishment that I would have been satisfied. Oooh that Maslow and his cursed pyramid! For me it’s not the pinnacle that’s tricky it’s the darned middle tier that has been so elusive.
I really believed that getting to this point would have made things easier and that the hard part would have been behind me. Tis not so my friends. You can be well-educated in the knowledge of books but still have a lot to learn in matters of the heart. Ignorance return to me and keep my heart cradled in bliss if only to not feel the pain that loving someone has carried with it.
My friends, I am here for you.
Hold Strong ❤
Idlewise Musings Inspired by Ennui 