Modify and Exemplify

9 07 2010

My mental imagery tends to twist and spin in loops around thoughts and ideas sorta like the scribbles you make on note paper when you’re in a  boring lecture or on the phone not really listening to the person on the other end.
I mostly scribble my name in multiple signatory ways. Swooping  , austere , well scripted maiden name, whooshing wedded name.  Seeing my name printed over and over again has an oddly calming effect on me. It feels like a wave of frustration that passes through my fingertips with a tingling sensation, the negative energy being released into ink on paper. I’ve done this since I was 11 and it never loses its effect. I had terrible handwriting as a child that was occasionally called out on by disapproving teachers and made ridicule of by peers. Eventually I found a way to control the urge to just slap a glob of felt tipped hieroglyphics down. I became in tune with the page focusing on the ruled lines and narrowed my vision ever so tightly to perfectly align each letter to the next.

I also had to re-learn not to use the middle finger of my writing hand as a base to rest the pen, which formed an awful rounded hard spot that was quite unattractive to see whenever I flipped someone off.

I have taken great pride in my writing since I mastered hand over mind and have found that the same diligence used to manipulate the tendency of poor scribing can help to focus my wandering thoughts. As I develop yet another idea out the wazoo to counter my daily ennui I have to fight the scribbles of the brain to bring a cohesive thought to the fore. I write out my objectives on paper, digital documents don’t exist unless I boot up a laptop, and leave them in the same place everyday. A jeering reminder that I said I would set out to do what already exists in my parallel universe of success. It helps that I believe this since utter despair no longer seems an option; defeatist attitude checked at the door.

I’ve given myself a deadline for this amazing feat of inspired drive, an idea mainly motivated by the progressive depletion of modern-day beans, but mostly for the need to assuage the discomfort of a harried mind that I am indeed a bum of magnanimous proportions.

Deadline date – August 31, 2010. Think I can make it?




3 responses

5 03 2015

OMG! I did make that deadline. This blog thing really worked – who’dve thunk it?!

9 07 2010

Love the pic…As R. Kelly once said: “I believe pigs can fly!!”…or was it something else? Anyhoo, I’m pullin for you to make your deadline. (PS…people tell me about my handwriting all the time…still….whats up with that??!!…lol)

9 07 2010

Well thank you Nico, one believer is as good as any.

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